I was trying to keep the rhyming going, but I hadn’t finished editing it. This version looks better than the one I was making up. The only thing I can find wrong, from all of them, is the ending. It feels out of place.
So, I’m trying to take what we’ve put up already and add or remove syllables so that it would fit neatly into the melody Nim and Ashburn cooked up from the numbers (roughly 5 or 6 syllables, preferably 6 for the first line and 5 for the second). Here are a few verses I’ve done:
1: “As the news spread o’er them,
The Great Wilds fell still.” (removes the repetition issue with shush, and it’s easier to sing. Verse 2 would need a new rhyme.)
3: “Great minds paused their pond’ring
And their tomes did drop” (adds syllables to the first line)
6: “Kindly healers bless her
spirit as it goes.” (lengthens the end, and it still rhymes if we can change Eben’s “bow” to “bows”
I think the other three verses could use some syllabic tweaks to fit the melody, too, if anyone is up for it.
I took a different approach and tried to fit the words to the music by using melisma (using more than one note for a syllable). I would try to explain how I’ve done it exactly, but it’s easier if I just record it for you to listen to. I can get it to you guys in like an hour?
Edit: If you guys want to keep on tweaking the poem/lyrics in that time, feel free.
I’m super excited to hear what Nim’s come up with!
@OracleSage, I think we were working on the assumption that we could sort of use either the six guilds or the six elements as the basis for each verse. Unfortunately, the box wasn’t terribly specific with its demands. And we actually do use the Wilds to reference Balimora in this version.
Here’s a full set of the tweaked-syllable style verses, in case we decide to use them:
"As the news spread o’er them,
The Great Wilds fell still,
Forges dimmed their fires,
Hammers ceased their trill,
Great minds paused their pond’ring
And their tomes they dropped,
Brave adventurers tarried
And their travels stopped,
full stop. thats good. though the 5th verse doesnt completely match in my head. (the way its written doesnt match the cadence in my head, but that can be a personal thing)
Thanks, Grim! Yeah, the enjambment is in an awkward place, and “gold” and “shed” are both stressed syllables, but I decided it was okay since the last two notes in the line are both whole notes. Anyone’s welcome to tweak, of course!
Since the full message doesn’t always go through, I think it would be a good idea to keep them separate, maybe put a pause between the recordings so they have a less chance of becoming garbled.
Edit: Also remember we don’t know what the time limit for us to send is anymore. So the sooner we send, the better.
Well, I’m not even sure what file type we’re on, so if someone wants to edit togther stuff or just covert and send, that’s up to you guys. I’m still really not sure what these dream rules are…
Also, thanks everyone! Nice to finally be getting something done with this one!
And we actually do use the Wilds to reference Balimora in this version.
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