It’s been a minute since my last update, but there hasn’t been a lot going on recently. The weather is finally starting to turn to something more appropriate for spring, I’ve gotten better about walking and working out, but otherwise, it’s been very…chill? This past week was different (in good and bad ways) though, so I wanted to sort of reflect on my experience. For context, I got married during the pandemic to my partner of several years, and it’s been great! While we were living with each other (officially and unofficially, college dorms sort of complicate that dynamic) for a lot of our relationship, but being married and living together (but separately from anyone else) has been a really wonderful experience This week, though, it felt almost like we were living separate lives for a lot of the week.
My spouse is currently studying for her national certifying exam to become a funeral director and has been really stressed about that as well as some other things (having a valid photo ID for her exam, new housing, chronic illness, and more). To help her studying, she’s been going over to her parents’ house directly after work for most of the week - she’d eat dinner there and usually wouldn’t get home until after 9 PM which hasn’t been normal for either of us since we’ve been married. Meanwhile, I’ve been working at home, and other than walks around the area, I usually don’t get to go out and do anything other than getting groceries or takeout. Because of this dynamic, we ended up only seeing each other a lot less than we normally do which lead to this feeling of living separate lives.
On Wednesday, I took her to work and got my first Moderna COVID-19 vaccine (yay!) and then drove for an hour back home. Since it was such a long drive, I just randomized all of the music I had and let it play, and it was honestly one of the most relaxing experiences I’ve had in a while. This might not be relatable to some, but I love driving, especially when there’s good music to sing along to, and I haven’t gotten to have that experience in a while. Part of that is because I haven’t driven much over the past few months, but it’s also because my spouse isn’t familiar with all of my music, so we tend to talk or listen to her music instead. It was a really nice experience that I haven’t had for a while and I kept listening to the mix even after I got home. Wednesday night was also exciting because I tried my hand at making homemade ramen, a dish my spouse isn’t a super big fan of, so this was the perfect time to try it out! It was really exciting to try my hand at something new and I’m really thankful I got the chance to try.
While these were some of the positives of my spouse and doing separate things this week, my time alone also pushed me to realize how much my quality of life has improved with her in my life. While it was really fun to have “full autonomy” over my food and activities, it was also really boring and emotionally draining for me. Other than Wednesday, a lot of the week felt like a haze of sameness, and I was thrilled when my spouse decided to come directly home on Thursday. It didn’t fix everything - she still fell asleep really early, and I ended up letting her sleep on the couch because she was so tired and achy (she likes the couch more than our bed, anyways ), but it was nice to have her home. Because I had that time alone this past week, I started to realize more of what I needed from our relationship and all the amazing things I already get. Over this weekend, even as she’s been studying, we’ve had the chance to have some really positive (though not tearless) conversations on what we want our lives to be like together, especially after she’s done with her exams.
I’m not really sure where to end this, but I just wanted to share because I think it’s important to always reflect on what we’re doing in life and whether it’s what we want and need. While this was definitely true in my pre-marriage life, I think it’s almost more important after you make a long-term or lifelong commitment. We constantly are changing, but we have to make sure and work (with our partners especially, if we have them) so that our needs are still being met.
Sorry for a bit of a downer, so to make up for it, I’ve included a photo of the first bowl of ramen I made last week! Also, I’ve been working all weekend on a mixtape (of sorts) that she’ll get next week as a birthday present. I’m sure she’ll like it, and hopefully, she’ll appreciate hearing all the music I’ve accumulated for her (especially my two “musical biography” playlists - my bopograhpies, if you will)! Until next time!