Rant Corner

EDIT: I think it would be helpful to have this open for anyone who needs it. So if you want to rant, ask for advice, whatever, go ahead! I and I’m sure others will be glad to help you out. :grin:

Wondering if I can just rant/get life advice from you all? I’ve been wanting to get opinions about a relationship I had, but don’t want to delve into reddit (too much chaos for me, and I don’t tend to like putting too much attention on myself).


I’m not the best for advice, but I’m always willing to listen. My favorite discord even has a place for ranting, we call it the Tea Party, because you throw your problems into the Boston Harbor.


@Mellie : what else are friends/family for if not to rant to/get advice from? (as long as you feel comfortable with us)

@fruit : i love the humor of that discord channel


We’re here for you! Feel free to rant/ ask anything :slight_smile: we won’t necessarily have answers lol but we can be your sounding board


Thanks all. That Discord channel name sounds hilarious. And with that said, less of a rant and indeed more of a tea spilling situation follows.
It’s more like the main points of a year-long story contextualizing the question: How much of this stuff should I really be blaming myself for? Admittedly, it’s one-sided and very focused on myself since I’ll likely never get the other side of the story. But I feel like I could have been more tolerant, respectful of privacy, etc. and things would have gone better. So here goes:

October 2018:
Have been dating this guy (H) for about half a year now, been smooth sailing until now. H finds out from his parents he has Asperger’s, not obvious so I guess they didn’t feel the need to tell him until then. It just happened to become relevant.
Since my mom teaches special needs kids, I ask her for advice. Big mistake on my part due to me tending to not think before I act, as we’ll see more of.

November 2018 - February 2019:
H tends to distrust people and to interpret things in the exact opposite way they’re intended. This results in the following:

Imo, my mother and I did everything you’re not supposed to do in this situation. We made a big deal about H’s quirks now meant a diagnosis. My mother, at least from H’s perspective, tried to force him into acceptance of his Asperger’s. I probably let a lot of things slide, telling myself “oh there’s nothing that can be done because Asperger’s”. (This stuff is mostly on my mother, but is still important for the next point)

H got really paranoid. Ex. He distrusted my parents, saying that I was too close to them. He worried that I was going to dump him for a guy that I had literally met a week ago.
Though these are the more severe cases, it felt like I had to deal with this every day, to the point where my parents had to read the messages for me and tell me how to answer (hence that first example). This resulted in what may be the first time I heard my parents actually argue. Combine that with new, harder school, and you make me a really stressed kid.

March 2019 - June 2019:
Up until now, our relationship was quite physical (hugging and kissing and whatnot), and I felt conflicted about it. I let things happen too fast, in retrospect, and afterward it felt like it was too late to go backwards: Whenever I brought up the idea, I felt guilted into forgetting about it. It almost felt like being physically together was the only thing keeping the relationship together.
Between that, arguments. The last straw was when H mentioned in a group chat about being at an event where a shooting had taken place (he was fine). Me, being stressed about finals, read the messages but froze when it came to responding. H would later send a long rant about that, I’d apologize, but the next day I guess I was still a bit bitter and started an argument myself.

And that’s where the story would end if not for me wallowing in regret, trying to fix the relationship to no avail, trying to figure out what went wrong and how I could have fixed it, getting nervous at the sight of H’s name. So I guess I’ve just been trying to get over it in whatever way I can.


First, all of the comforting internet hugs you’re comfortable with. :eaveshug:

Second, Oedipus Rex was too close to a parent (old theater major brain coming out). I saw a bit of a red flag in general, potential diagnosis or not, when “too close to your parents” came up. Giving in to that sort of thing has the potential to become a dangerous slippery slope. Parents being a sounding board for big things that need advice is perfectly normal (not to say they’ll have a perfect result every time).

Without going into too deep of a dive out in the open (and on a tight schedule on my end), it sounds like things may have come apart before they reached dangerous levels of toxicity. It is perfectly okay to mourn a relationship that meant a lot to you, but in the long run it’s likely for the best. :eaveshug:


Thanks @Ashburn. I know I talked to some friends and they had the same opinion. I’m glad now that everything happened the way it did, it’s just that sometimes subconscious echoes of the past can be annoying.

Also, I’ll leave this topic up for anyone else who wants to rant, ask for advice, or whatever else (updated post to reflect this). Hope you all are staying safe with all the craziness out there.


@Mellie, thank you for opening up about this. I’m sad on your behalf that you had to go through an uncomfortable relationship, but like @Ashburn said, it is normal to mourn important parts of your life that are no longer there. (From the dates listed, I’m assuming you and H are no longer together.)

Every journey to “get over it” is ultra personal, and you really can’t rush it. It might be useful to try to redirect your train of thought when you start analyzing the relationship. Easier said than done, I know. But even something simple like recognizing and accepting that you feel a certain way, and then moving on to a different topic mentally can be helpful. If that’s not how you process, then that’s okay, too.


Is it all right to do an all nighter ?

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It’s certainly not good for the body, but I’m sure that hasn’t stopped most of us from doing it anyway.

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