Ginger’s Journal

[Ginger]

Update on my dance frustrations that happened way faster than I ever thought.

So first off, due to my line of work we have been guaranteed that everyone at my workplace will be fully vaccinated before the summer (if they chose to do so) despite the confusion in the past. Which is exciting, and would honestly just relieve a huge burden of worry I have been inherently carrying around at the thought of potentially being the reason one of my clients gets sick. (Not entirely unrealistic but spawned out of fear and anxiety since I’m taking about every precaution I can be short of living in a hazmat suit.) So yay to that!

Second, a dance studio I’ve been checking out that recently opened near me is allowed to slowly start back up again. I talked with one of the owners and worked out a partnership thing (we’re calling it a dance ambassador program on paper I believe) !!
The deal is I help out with front end stuff once a week, and in exchange get a pass for unlimited classes at the studio. So not only do I get as much dance as I want for a few hours work every week, I also get to live out my low key dream of working at a dance studio. (Honestly, my logistical talents are WASTED in my current job.)
This is great for loads of reasons:

• I get to be in the know of their COVID policies so I can make an educated decision on how safe I’ll be if I attend classes before I’m vaccinated (and like it’ll probably matter afterwards too) and if for the first bit I don’t want to attend class I’ll still be safely distanced from people at all times as ‘staff’
• It helps me to build some semblance of routine of my actual life outside work because that’s non-existent (and I now have reasons to FORCE my workplace to actually respect my schedule since they uh … don’t.)
• My healing journey! First off it allows me to be around dance and dancers which I’m hoping will do worlds of good regardless of anything else, since it’ll be people who understand my struggle or who have faced it in the past. Second, it will allow me to slowly get back into classes and thus, dancing regularly, but without having the fear of buying a membership only to not use it in the event I’m not really ready to go back, or something happens and I can only do a class every now and then. It’ll take loads of stress off of whether I should invest in a studio membership again or when will be the right time and all the other questions about it. If I don’t take classes, there’s no huge loss or guilt. Added bonus of giving me access to different levels of dance without it being an issue, so I can take beginner classes which are generally a lower intensity if my ankle is acting up, and more intermediate or advanced if I’m feeling up to it. I can ease back in at my own pace and skill level!
• I get to help out a local business in a way that they need right now
• If I feel I’m not ready or don’t want to go back to classes yet, they’ll allow me to rent out a studio for $10/hour which is honestly nothing compared to what I’ve paid in the past for myself or for clubs, groups, crews, or whatever. I can be in a proper dance space by myself (yay social distancing) and just freestyle or work on whatever I want in privacy.
• I have a reason to look presentable at least once a week. I know y’all must be thinking “but don’t you have to look presentable for your day job?” Oh no, my good reader, you’re very wrong. If I don’t want something drooled on, puked on, or bled on then I don’t wear it to work. Doesn’t inspire personal style or dressing up for fun. Inspires generic clothing you’re willing to burn at a moments notice.
• Even if it’s just in passing I get to see different people than the dozen or so at work that I’ve spent all my time with since the pandemic started which is a win.

Honestly it feels like it’s too good to be true or like a scam or something, and I would dismiss it as something I dreamed up if I didn’t have a physical contract in front of me.

I reached out to them on a whim only a few days ago and now my first shift is tomorrow. It must’ve been y’all willing some magic to happen or something because the pieces just fell into place in the blink of an eye.

[Ashburn]

Holy crap, Ginger, that’s fantastic!

[Ginger]

Went for a nature walk the other day ^-^
It was lovely. Being out in the sun felt so nice after how cold this winter was >.>
But also just to remind us that we live in Canada, it snowed again today just when I was getting my hopes up that maybe we would actually have a spring this year
So I’m glad I enjoyed it when I did! I can’t wait to be out in the sun some more!

[Ginger]

So like
It snowed the other day? Now it’s +15 degrees Celsius. Then Sunday overnight we have insane gusting winds it’ll be like -18 and then Monday it’s supposed to snow anywhere from 5 to 20 centimetres and it’s supposed to rain somewhere in there before hand???

Then there’s the game of nice weather! Snow! Nice weather! Snow! Soooo basically we’re gonna be living in slush for the next week or something ???

If ever you question why where I live doesn’t have the formal season of spring it’s because nature is confused about which season it is, so we just have a period of time where you have to be ready for all the weather at once.

[eternalhearts]

That sounds pretty similar to where I am! We keep snow brushes in our cars until May “just in case”.

[Ginger]

Haha yeah I don’t even bother to take them out tbh
Never know when it’ll rain and then temperatures plummet overnight leaving you to scrap the ice off your car in the morning

[eternalhearts]

Oh, mine only move from my backseat to the trunk

[BrokenVoid]

We just got snow after three weeks of 60-70 degrees F in my state. Hopefully it didn’t get cold enough to damage the plants because everything is starting to bud already.

[Ginger]

You’re correct. That is the proper way of things.

@BrokenVoid oh no!
Those cold snaps aren’t fun when you’re finally getting excited for things to be green again!

[Ginger]

I don’t know if I should post it here or in the familiars thread but my cat just made this face and stared at me for like twenty minutes and didn’t break it like what ??? Now every time I look at the pictures I just crack up. Like what goes on ???

[Skylad]

That face is my everything!!!

[Alligatoramberlee]

THE BEST BLEP

[Ginger]

Dance update:

Being in the studio and around dancers again has been absolutely wonderful.

Physically, it’s been a little challenging. I can only do one or two nights a week, and am normally left pretty sore - and not just where I’m injured, my body lost so much of its strength and flexibility

Mentally? Fantastic. Honestly, even though there’s still some rough days it has allowed me to fall in love with dance again. I’ve gotten out of my own head quite a bit, and like I’m still sad/frustrated because I just want to be where I was, but I’m actually dancing again which in and of itself is the gift. I’m unsure if I actually told people, but when I first got hurt I was basically told that if I managed to heal to the point where I could go back to dance, I shouldn’t and that it was unlikely I would have that option. That did me in before the first lock down was even in effect. So the fact that I’m able to be in a studio, to be dancing again, and enjoying it? Oh, I want to relish in it forever. (And give a swift kick in the pants to the male doctor who originally assessed my injury and told me it was probably just a simple sprain so just take some Tylenol and I’ll be fine, or the doctor that told me I shouldn’t dance but because of a previous knee injury I wouldn’t have lasted much longer anyways so it wouldn’t be a huge loss.)

I want to bask in every moment of it, because COVID cases are surging here especially variant cases, and everyone was expecting another lock down and things to get shut down. Instead our premiere crawled out of his hole to say “do better guys” and absolutely nothing else, but we’re all pretty sure in another week or two some stuff is getting closed down again - which unfortunately might be any sort of fitness centre even though that’s not where the cases are being spread.

It’s also been really nice, because this time of year is traditionally chalked full of spring showcases or end of year/semester shows so my life typically revolves around rehearsals. So being able to have somewhere to go dance has really reduced a lot of the mental struggle of missing out on these things again.

Ah, it was a really great decision.

[Ginger]

Found a shirt with this pattern, yelled TIME DONUT! And immediately purchased it.

[Tinker]

YOOOOO that’s amazing!! (cosmos and) time donut!!!

[Ginger]

I moved back into my space. Did I already mention that? Oh well if I did.
Because of injury and pandemic I moved back in with the Fam jam, and at first it was nice to be stuck with people because I was depresso and couldn’t walk and needed help and whatever.
Honestly, after having lived on my own for like four or five years it just began to really get on my nerves

So yay. Moved back into a space that is all mine, and it’s lovely. I have the lower half of a house, and one of my close friends and co-workers who I see all day everyday at work anyways lives in the other half of it, so now we just don’t lock the doors in between and hang out at home together too lol but both still have our own space to retreat to so the introvert in me is thriving.

Finally got all my things out of storage. Realized a third of my possessions are clothes I forgot I owned, and another third is definitely straight up books.

Wait I forgot what I was actually going to write about … oh yeah!
Today is book unpack day! I’m excited! My arms are not (books are heavy )
Will upload pictures when I’m done if I remember!

Moving is simultaneously the best and the absolute worst, I can’t wait to be finished unpacking.

Oh! Also I get my COVID vaccine tomorrow at long last, which I’m excited about and a lil nervous about.

[Ginger]

Oh wow
Life updates

Vaccine made me really tired and my arm sore, but otherwise good
Second dose booked

I defeated the unpacking monster!
Y’all.
Some of those boxes have been packed and moved around from place to storage to other place for like … at least five years. They are finally gone. Unpacked, and the boxes recycled.
It feels amazing wow.
But also I’m in a mood of great now I’m not allowed to move for at least a few years

Still have a little organizing to do, and a couple of pieces of furniture that would be lovely additions, but it actually looks like someone lives there which is fun.

Gardening is the worst, why do people do it for fun?
It’s exhausting. I’m so sore.
I mean maybe it wouldn’t be awful if the gardens weren’t neglected for years, but still.
I fought our Juniper for hours and it still needs work but our garden beds look like garden beds again. Also fun.

We built a fire pit in the back! That’s quite lovely. (We had permission and stuffs don’t worry.)

Work is Oof right now, and takes up more time than I like but it is what it is.

I started actually working out again and it’s hit and miss so far. It’s challenging with what my ankle can do and what I need to work up to, and it’s also a challenge of how much I can push it and still be able to do my job without being in pain the next day. So it’s slow going, but feels good.

Hmmm what else is new in my life that I feel like over sharing about …

Oh! I finally found a new doctor after searching for someone accepting new patients during COVID, but my other doctor moved across the city and isn’t the greatest so … I’m excited to meet her on Thursday! I hope it works out

Things here are closed again and I’m going through dance withdrawal all over again, but that’s nothing new.

Tune in next month for more updates.

[Ginger]

When I said next month I didn’t intend August … but here we are.

Uhhh life is a solid meh.

It’s not really bad or good, I just feel like I’m behind in everything. Even the things I do to relax - which is absolutely ridiculous and definitely gonna require some work to deal with.

I’m trying to be social again and see people, but I forgot how exhausting it is - and also how great it can be. Mainly exhausting though, because I work too much and my job drains all my social energy.

Guess I’m just no longer the high functioning depressed person I thought I was. sigh

The planet’s dying, a couple provinces are on fire (like so are a bunch of states I’m sure,) the weather here is whack, I’m apathetic at best. I’m just tired of trying to fight with people who still don’t think climate change is real when we literally can’t breathe because of the smoke in the air. “It’s just wildfire season.” Yeeeeaaaahhh the fact it has become a regular enough occurrence for you to dismiss it like that is a literally a blazing red flag in your face, but what do I know.

On that note, why does no one talk about how exhausting and taxing social justice is? Because it is.

If you couldn’t tell from my postings today, I haven’t been to counselling in a hot minute … whoops.
My therapist is moving so I have to go through the process of finding another one that I like, and trust, and is capable of understanding how much my trauma ties in to all of my issues … and like I am so unexcited to go through all of that AGAIN.

I got blue light glasses finally, and oh boy what a game changer. Except now everyone thinks I’ve suddenly started wearing real glasses again … and I don’t know if it’s worth the effort to constantly correct people or not.
Spark Notes Version: I am ‘supposed’ to wear glasses all of the time, but prescription lenses do not correct my vision problems enough for a noticeable difference, and I only need the correction in one eye anyways so I haven’t bothered to get new glasses in years because it’s silly, and the alternative would be to wear a contact in only one eye … just for fun? Like it isn’t helpful. Such a waste. So I just … don’t.
Isn’t this fun? Y’all learning so much about me. That’s what happens when you have a tendency to overshare

[Sapphire]

@Ginger

On that note, why does no one talk about how exhausting and taxing social justice is? Because it is.

It so is taxing, even with a slightly sympathetic ear, trying to convince someone to change what/how they do things for no tangible immediate benefit is hard.

I suspect its not talked about because it’s a choice to fight, and to then talk about how draining it is, potentially comes off as a request for sympathy over something self inflicted. People tend to stop listening and go for the ‘well you deserve the consequences’ argument when it relates to a chosen action and well, that kind of judgement can sod off imo.

People are going to stick their head in the sand no matter what. Try not to take on more than you can deal with. I’ve stopped trying with the climate change deniers and instead aim at the sceptics, who with a lot less work, can usually be convinced that a couple of small changes do no harm to them and make tiny improvements. It seems like a waste of time to make those tiny gains, but lots of tiny gains do add up. Once someone has made 1 tiny change, they’re usually more open to other tiny changes too.

Ultimately as individuals we can only do so much, there is no point stressing over what we can’t control. Best we can do is make the changes we can, try to educate others and trust that the governments will act and will bring the corporations into line too. Its daunting, but focus on what you can do and change and try not to take on idiots who hide in a walled garden of denial, they often just build the walls higher.

Also good luck finding a new therapist, fingers crossed its a short hunt. Can your current therapist make any recommendations?

[Ginger]

Also, I know I say I work too much and get called in a lot, and people just kind of like shrug that off a whole bunch. Just for reference, even though I died for a few days in July (it was a whole thing but I’m good now ) despite that I still worked 228 hours that month.

Disgusting.
No thank you.

So when I say I find it difficult to have any sort of life outside of that, I’m not just being dramatic. Well, not being dramatic about that specifically, I do love some good melodrama every now and then.