Hi Mounties! I sent your ideas to Ali and her response just came through. I’m sharing it in its entirety, even though she said I could cut out what I wanted. I think you all should know everything. Also,
Those are all great guesses, and please tell them how much I appreciate their research, but none of them feel exactly right. They’re definitely on the right track, though.
I’m having a hard time with the meditation practice and finding more information because A) it’s hard and nebulously effective, and I really, really like detailed instructions and concrete outcomes, and B) well, B is the reason I really need to find this place and my mom in the first place. I’m pregnant. Like, woefully, massively pregnant, (and yes, Eaves, the guy who helped make this happen knows, and he’s excellent, as you also know, but I have no intention of raising this kid with him.)
My memories had already turned foggy and fragmented since the turn of the new age, but I think, though I’m not sure, that whatever memories I still have, whatever power I still possess, is already being transferred to her. Yes, her. Baby girl. Yes, I’m really excited and pissed off and regretful and hopeful, and whatever. And I never thought I’d say this, but right now, more than ever, I want my mom. I want to be with her when it’s time. I know her mom was with her when I was born, and the transference took place. My baby won’t be able to access them until she’s older, not wholly, and not like I could because all the rules have changed, but I still want all the support I can get when it happens. When I lose the power and become a mom myself.
I never thought I wanted kids until Port. Until I had to protect her from Fallon and his cronies, until I felt that fear, that primal need to keep her safe. I didn’t know I was capable of that. I remember my mom’s fierce independence, the independent spirit of my countless ancestors, and thought that was my future. And also, I wasn’t sure I wanted to pass this on to anyone. Maybe I wanted the line to end.
Then Port got a little older, more independent, and started building relationships of her own, like her sisterhood with Yuri, which is the most beautiful thing. And she didn’t need me anymore. Not like she used to.
But I realized I did have more in me than memories. I had love and tenderness that I was blind to most of my life. So when it happened, a complete accident I might add, and I found out, I knew I wanted to see it through. Anyway. Send this to the Mounties if you want, or not if I seem like I’ve gone completely soft and saccharine as I’ve hit my 30s.
I have two or three images in my head, and maybe they’ll help.
- Hunting on the grounds. One of my first memories. Possibly the first in our line. The son born from a confluence, near a confluence.
- Renovations in Renaissance style. New buildings.
- Soldiers. 18th century-ish uniforms. Commandeering, damaging the house.
OMG, Ali being the last to know she has a heart of gold is peak precious. And Magical BC34 Bab FTW!! We have to get Ali to Knatz before she pops. Do your thing, Mounties!